Learning to desire

There can be a legitimate debate about whether or not Helena learns as much critical theory from Pocoyo as I think she does.  There's no doubt, however, that the writers for the series are really smart, and consciously trying to deal with issues that challenge both kids and adults.  For instance, one of Helena's favorite episodes these days tells the story of a day that Sleepy Bird has to run errands, and thus asks Pocoyo and Pato to babysit for Baby Bird.  Valentina the caterpillar shows up as well, simply overwhelming Pocoyo and Pato, especially when they try to convince the kids to sleep.



Pocoyo and Pato only get the kids into bed with a trick: they pretend that they want to use the beds, thus making Valentina and Baby Bird envious... and getting them in the right place.

How do we learn to desire?  Certain basic things are biological: we don't need anyone to teach us hunger or thirst or exhaustion.  But even such a simple desire as wanting to go to bed emerges from a complex pedagogy, and according to both Pocoyo and René Girard, we learn most desire mimetically.  That is to say, we learn it by imitating others.  If someone else wants something, then it must mean that I should want it, too.

Girard made most of his reputation with a critique of memetic desire, showing it to be the root of intra-tribal violence, the scapegoating process, sacrificiality, and almost every religion.  Oh, and capitalism, too, of course.  At the same time, he recognizes its importance:

Even if the mimetic nature of human desire is responsible for most of the violent acts that distress us, we should not conclude that mimetic desire is bad in itself.  If our desires were not mimetic, they would be forever fixed on pre-determined objects; they would be a particular form of instinct.  Human beings could no more change their desire than cows their appetite for grass.  Without mimetic desire there would be neither freedom nor humanity.

Desire feels so natural and that we assume it to be part of us, but the truth is that most of the desires we have are a strange kind of outside-inside, both ours and not-ours.  Raising a child is, in great part, a co-learning how to desire -- not a conscious teaching process, because when Helena learned to desire, she doesn't learn from what we say, but from what we do.  It is imitation, not pedagogy.  So in the process, Rita and I have to learn from ourselves, make our actions and desires coherent with our ideals.

And Helena, like Baby Bird, is gradually learning to go to sleep when she's tired.